The other day I was talking with a mom of a high schooler and I just have to relay to you the wisdom she passed on to me. This mom has four kids, three of whom are out of the house and gone. That leaves her with the baby who is no longer a baby but a senior in high school getting ready to graduate and move on to college. As I spoke with her she was telling me how it took parenting the other three kids to finally get to a place where she semi knew how to relate with her teenage daughter in a loving not smothering, connecting not dictating, and guiding not micro-managing sort of way. She told of the joy that she received to be able to connect with her daughter by coming into her room late at night and getting to just listen to where her daughter is at physically, emotionally, socially, and most importantly and most encouragingly where she's at spiritually.
There's two things we need to take with us from this Parental Wisdom.
1. It's okay to learn as you go!
No parent is ever there! You will be a different sort of parent as your kids are 2 and 6 verses 12 and 16 verses 22 and 26. You will always be learning as you go and you will always be rubbing against new things, SO, learn as you go.
2. Listen, just plain LISTEN.
All of us have a tough time just plain listening, now pair that with listening to your kids! That can be tough! BUT, in talking with this mom she specifically mentioned how she had to continually check herself during bed time to make sure that she wasn't talking, interrupting, offering advice, providing suggestions, or any other form of verbal communication unless her daughter asked. So much of your parenting communication is spent talking at, telling to, asking of, or even commanding your kids. Why not try targeted intentional time with your kids where you just plain listen? Car time, bed time and meal time are great times to try out listening. This mom said that her relationship with her daughter immediately went to the next level when she just plain listened. Her daughter started to share more and even sought out advice, guidance and wisdom from her mom.
So, take these two things with you and try them out 1. Learn As You Go and 2. Just Plain Listen. I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences trying these things out, so why don't you leave a comment through the blog.